Turn It Off
by eirenical
Summary: -Book of Mormon, the Musical- "Where's your 'nifty, little Mormon trick,' now? What good is it if you can't use it when you need it most?", Elder Price/Elder McKinley
1. Chapter 1

OK, so remember that fic that I thought was lost? Well, it's no longer lost. It's finished. ^_^ And hm. Well, it's not quite as schmoopy puppy love as I initially thought, but there is some of that, at least and the ending is awful schmoopy. *unsure but game smile* *coughs* Anyway, _Book of Mormon_ fic #2, set nominally within the same universe as "No Exit," but you don't have to read that one to understand what's going on in this one. ^_^

**Title:** Turn It Off  
><strong>Fandom:<strong> The Book of Mormon, a Broadway musical  
><strong>Pairing:<strong> Elder McKinley/Elder Price  
><strong>Rating:<strong> PG-13  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> Total: 18,171, Part 1: 8,778  
><strong>Warnings:<strong> **SPOILERS!**. Slash, angst, reference to what General Butt F'ing Naked did to Elder Price.

**Disclaimer:** Neither the musical nor the boys belong to me, if they did, Elder McKinley would have a boyfriend by the end of the show and it would probably be Elder Price. ^_~ _((Book of Mormon was written by Trey Parker, Matt Stone and Robert Lopez.))_

**Summary:** "Where's your 'nifty, little Mormon trick,' now, huh? What good is it if you can't use it when you need it most?"

**_July 19, 2011:_** Basically this story picks up somewhere soon after the musical leaves off. The Church has abandoned our poor missionaries and they've started spreading the Book of Arnold as the new word. Elder Price is having more than a small crisis of faith and Elder McKinley is doing his best to help which unfortunately isn't good enough. Angst and shenanigans ensues. ^_^

Enjoy and please remember... comments and reviews are love!

* * *

><p><strong>Turn It Off - Part 1<strong>  
><em>by Renee-chan<em>

If you had asked Arnold Cunningham one year ago what he would be doing today... he wouldn't have been able to answer. He didn't know. He hadn't even thought he would be graduating with the rest of his mission class, had been certain that he was going to fail before he even had a chance to try. But he hadn't. He hadn't failed. Not only had he graduated, but he'd been sent on a mission with - of all people! - Kevin Price. Even now, even after all that had happened, he still held a small glow of worship for his mission companion. Kevin had left him, yes, had had a true crisis of faith, too, but he'd _come back_. He'd come back and with his help and support, Arnold had managed to save everyone in Nobunaga- wait. Notoedres- no, that wasn't right. Nederlander? Oh, man. - in _her_ town. Maybe they hadn't done it in quite the approved _way_... and maybe they'd broken a few rules while they were at it... and maybe they no longer had the official support of the Mormon church... but the people were _happy_ and they treated each other well and things were slowly getting better! That had to count for something. At least Kevin thought so, had said so more than once. And Arnold believed him. Kevin knew things like that.

Which brought Arnold back to the thoughts that had driven him out here to walk to begin with. His mission partner had been... well... distracted, lately. Not himself. He wouldn't tell Arnold what was wrong, wouldn't even admit that something _was_ wrong, but something clearly was. He wasn't sleeping well, for one thing. Arnold had heard him moaning in his sleep the other night, thought he might have been having the Spooky Mormon Hell Dream - but could he even have it anymore if they weren't technically Mormons? With a growl of frustration, Arnold slapped his hands against his cheeks, "Stop getting distracted. _Think_, Arnold. _Think._"

That had always been his problem - getting distracted. Arnold had always found it difficult to focus, especially in school, but this was different. This was his best friend. He _had_ to focus, had to see if there was some way he could help...

As Arnold came around the corner leading back to the mission house, he heard a voice. He wasn't totally sure, but he thought it might be Elder McKinley. What was he doing out here? Dropping down behind the bushes, he edged a little closer to try to get a better look.

Sure enough, it was Elder McKinley. He was pacing back and forth, hands frantically waving around as he walked. He looked upset. Arnold snorted, _Seems to be going around, I guess._ After watching for a little longer, Arnold was finally able to make out some of what the other young man was saying.

"-just turn it off. It's always been so easy before. Just... find the switch and ~Click!~ Gone. Just... off. _So why isn't it working this time?_" He then sat down hard on a nearby rock and buried his face in his hands, let out a small scream of what Arnold guessed was frustration.

Well, that was... weird. He remembered when he and Kevin had first gotten here. Elder McKinley had been the one to try to make them feel better about what had happened that day, told them they could make the bad feelings disappear by just not feeling them. That had never worked for Arnold before, but for Kevin, he'd been willing to try again. So, what bad feeling was Ryan McKinley trying so hard to escape? He guessed it didn't really matter. Arnold had to focus on Kevin. He'd let Elder Thomas know that his mission companion needed help. He'd take care of it. Satisfied with that solution, Arnold resumed his walk and his thinking. He'd get to the bottom of this whether Kevin wanted him to or not.

* * *

><p>A week later, Arnold was no closer to finding an answer to Kevin's problem - or finding out what Kevin's problem even <em>was<em>, for that matter - than he'd been before he started. It was frustrating. He'd talked to NoVacancy- no. NoSpeakEnglish? Damn it. One of these days he was going to get it right. - _her_ about it, but she hadn't noticed anything wrong. She'd just shrugged, said that she had faith that Arnold would figure it out because Arnold was the prophet.

Well... that was just the problem, wasn't it? As much as he was enjoying the attention and as much as he loved what it was doing for their little community, _he_ knew he wasn't a prophet. He just made stuff up that people enjoyed listening to. Half of it wasn't even original. And the half that was... well... most of it had been Kevin's ideas. And now that Kevin wasn't being his usual brilliantly helpful self Arnold didn't know what to do. He needed Kevin, needed Elder Price's unshakable faith. So, whatever he had to do to help his friend, he was going to do. He needed him too much to do otherwise.

A loud splash made Arnold stop in his tracks. What was...? He backtracked along the path until he reached the short turnoff to the lake. As he reached the last bend, he ducked down amidst the tall reeds to stay hidden. Habit, really. It was also a really good way to find things out that you weren't supposed to know.

Well... this looked interesting. It looked like the splash had been Kevin hitting the water. Elder McKinley was standing on the shore, laughing hysterically at the look of shocked horror on Kevin's face. Arnold was just about ready to jump to his mission companion's defense when he saw the look on Kevin's face change from horror to... well... sneakiness? Slyness? He might not have a name for it, but he recognized the look. It was a "Han Solo up to no good" look. Arnold laughed under his breath. Kevin as Han Solo. That would make Arnold Chewbacca, wouldn't it? Oh... no, wait. These days, that might make him Luke Skywalker. He smiled, held himself a little straighter. Arnold Cunningham as Luke Skywalker... _that_ was a good one.

Arnold decided to wait, see how this played out. A few minutes later, he was glad he had. Kevin swam back to shore, reached a hand up out of the water to grab onto Elder McKinley's leg and gave it one good tug, and... SPLASH! Elder McKinley was in the water, too. When his head broke the surface, spluttering indignantly, Kevin's eyes turned merciless and he dunked the other missionary back under the water.

When a real splashing match ensued, Arnold couldn't keep silent any longer. He _loved_ a good water fight. Earlier thoughts forgotten - again - he took a running start and leapt into the air. He yelled, "CANNONBALL!" and easily swamped the other two with the wave he created on impact. All work and no play makes Arnold a boring prophet, right?

* * *

><p>"Mutumbo is dead. Dead of his AIDS."<p>

Arnold stared at Chief Mafala. He... somehow, he'd never thought... Mafala seemed to be expecting him to say something, so Arnold stammered out the first thing that came to mind, "Are... are you sure?"

Nantucket... no. Nagasaki? Oh, the hell with it already. She stepped up and put a hand on Arnold's arm, said quietly, "He was sick for months. It was why he was so desperate when you first came here that he tried... what he did. But you knew this. It is the way of things, Elder Cunningham. It is the way of things here in Uganda."

Seeing that Arnold was in no shape to play the reassuring, magnanimous church leader, Kevin thanked the chief for bringing them the news and gently steered Arnold back into the mission house. Once he had Arnold seated inside, he said, "Why are you so surprised?"

Arnold gaped up at Kevin, finally got out, "Well... well... why aren't _you_?"

Kevin sighed, sat down across from Arnold at the table, "Arnold... you've seen the statistics. 80% of the Ugandans have AIDS. They don't even have treatments to slow the disease down. They're too expensive. That means that 80% of them are going to die. The teacher, the butcher, the doctor, Nabulungi's father, too. There's nothing we can do about that. Don't take it so hard, OK?"

Nabulungi! That's what her na- _No. No, Arnold. Don't get distracted now._ He looked up at Kevin, eyes hopeful that his mission companion might be stretching the truth, "Is... isn't there anything we can do to stop it?" When Kevin merely shook his head, Arnold exploded with, "But how could G-d let this happen?"

Kevin swallowed hard, slumped in his chair. When his voice emerged again, it was choked with emotion, "I'm not the one you should be asking."

Wait... wait... this... Arnold nearly jumped from his seat at this sign of Elder Price's wall _finally_ cracking. That meant that Kevin might _actually_ talk to him, tell him some of what was wrong. That was more important than anything. Grief over Mutumbo momentarily forgotten, Arnold leaned forward, "Kevin... best friend... why shouldn't I ask you? I trust you. Without you, we'd never have accomplished so much here."

Kevin got up so fast that he knocked his chair over backwards. As it crashed to the floor and everyone else turned to stare, Kevin turned wild eyes on Arnold. He clenched his fists, gritted out, "Trust me? You shouldn't. You really shouldn't. I'm not even sure G-d exists anymore, Arnold. Everything we've accomplished? That's a laugh. What have we _really_ done? Nothing. People are happily dancing their way to the grave instead of trudging. That's all." He turned away, let out a bitter laugh, "Everything we see here? Everyone that gets sick and dies here? Our exile from our families for trying to do the right thing? If G-d _is_ real... if he _does_ exist... he's a right, fucking bastard, if you ask me." He then muttered something under his breath and stormed off, the door to the mission house slamming shut in his wake.

Arnold stared after his friend, far too shocked to do anything else. A quiet voice interrupted his shock a few minutes later - it was Elder McKinley, "Elder Cunningham... what does 'Hasa Diga, Eebowai' mean?"

* * *

><p>Arnold hadn't had the guts to go after Kevin after that explosion of temper. It felt horribly like breaking Rule 72 - leaving his mission companion alone while on mission - but he just... he couldn't. If <em>this<em> was at the core of Elder Price's problems, then what had they really been doing here all these months? He knew he wasn't a prophet. _Kevin_ knew he wasn't a prophet. But Kevin had helped spread the "Book of Arnold," anyway, had been the one to come up with the idea in the first place. What had he said? _"If the Church won't help these people, someone has to, and Arnold... they **listen** to you. They listen to your words and those words help. So, let's use that."_

They'd built a whole new church around those words, had converted all the Ugandans in their little town and started reaching out to others. And it was making a difference. It was helping. But... if Kevin didn't even believe in Heavenly Father, anymore, then why were they even doing it? How could they found a church if Heavenly Father wasn't at its heart? It didn't make sense. It didn't make any sense.

He looked around the room, found most of his fellow missionaries studiously avoiding his eyes. Everyone was accounted for except Kev- wait. Where was Elder McKinley? Arnold got up from the table, approached Elder Thomas, "Elder Thomas... Where is your mission companion?"

The other missionary ducked his head, shrugged his shoulders, "He... after you told us what that... that... _phrase_ meant... He went outside after Elder Price, I think." At Arnold's quietly voiced, "Oh," Elder Thomas looked up at Arnold. He said, "Elder Cunningham... are we cowards, you and I? To leave our companions alone? I want to go after Ryan, but... I'm scared. I've looked up to Elder Price since missionary school. If _he_ no longer believes in Heavenly Father... if even he can be subverted... what hope do the rest of us have?"

Arnold didn't have an answer for that, didn't even want to think too hard about the question. It was too close to what he'd been thinking himself, lately. But he did know one thing. He was no coward. Not anymore. And he was _not_ breaking Rule 72. His mission companion- no. His _best friend_ needed him. He was going after Kevin.

It didn't take Arnold long to find him - to find _them_, actually. They weren't that far from the mission house... in body, anyway. In spirit, though... Holy Heavenly Father, Batman. They couldn't have been further away if they tried. Arnold stayed hidden once again, didn't want either Elder Price or Elder McKinley to know they were being watched. He hid... and he listened, because, well... if Elder McKinley could get to the bottom of Kevin's crisis of faith, then Arnold wasn't above taking advantage of that.

Elder McKinley was holding Kevin and Kevin was resting his head on the other man's shoulder, his hands clutched tightly in the fabric of Elder McKinley's shirt. It looked... it almost looked like he'd been crying. But... that wasn't possible. Elder Price didn't cry. Did he? Arnold felt a bolt of shame at that. If Kevin was crying... if Kevin was so upset as to _need_ to cry... _Arnold_ should have been the one to comfort him. He was Kevin's best friend, his mission companion. Where had he been when Kevin so obviously needed him? Well, that piece of guilt was his alone to carry. He leaned closer, tried to make out what the pair was saying.

Kevin's were the first words he caught, "Where's your 'nifty, little Mormon trick,' now, huh? What good is it if you can't use it when you need it most?" Kevin's breath hitched and his fingers tightened in Elder McKinley's shirt.

Elder McKinley just held him a little tighter, rocked him gently, "I don't know. Kevin, I don't know. I've been asking myself that for _months_. Why now? Why you? I never wanted to drag you into this hell with me. **G-d**, I didn't want that." His voice dropped into a harsh whisper, "Why **here** of all places? Surely you've heard the whisperings in the villages? They're going to pass a law that makes it... makes _this_ punishable by death! It isn't safe for you to even be seen with me like _this_, much less..." He blushed, "...much less anything else."

Arnold continued to stare. _This_ was what Kevin had been hiding behind Elder Price's perfect mask? Oh, _man_... He forced down his instinctive need to jump up and separate the two of them and instead tried to listen with an open mind. This was Kevin freaking Price. He wouldn't be standing out here wrapped around Elder McKinley like an octopus without a damned good reason.

Kevin picked his head up, took a step back from Elder McKinley. Good, that was... that was better. At least he was only in contact with the other man via hands on his shoulders now. That could be interpreted in any number of ways- _Oh my, **G-d**._

Kevin's eyes blazed and he shifted his grip from Elder McKinley's shoulders to his face, pulled him in closer and pressed their lips together. It was brief, only lasted a few seconds, and didn't involve anything more than lips touching lips... but, Jesus Christ... what was Kevin thinking? Arnold nearly leapt to his feet again, but Kevin was speaking now, words almost angry as he dropped his hands back to Elder McKinley's shoulders and gave him a hard shake, "Anything else, huh? Like that? Is that what you meant?"

Elder McKinley struggled against him, tried to pull away, but Kevin was stronger. Of course, Kevin was stronger. He was stronger than any of them, better than any of them... but how could he be when he had _this_ hiding in his heart? This went against everything that Heavenly Father taught. Heavenly Father said it was wrong, it was perverse, it was unnatural, it was... it was... It was pulling Kevin to pieces. Arnold slumped. This must have been what was bothering Kevin all this time. But what the hell could Arnold do about this?

Elder McKinley finally managed to get enough leverage to push Kevin away from him. There was a deep flush in his cheeks and his eyes were wild, a little scared, "Don't you get it? We can't... we can't do this! We can't be this thing! Heavenly Father-"

Kevin cut in at that point, "Heavenly Father doesn't give a _shit_ what we do here, Ryan. Don't you get _that_? If He did, if He were really up there watching us, then why did all this happen? Why does He let people live like this? Why does He let them _die_ like this? Why did He tell the Church to abandon us here for actually daring to do something to help? Why?" That last word came out so plaintive... Jesus Christ, if Elder McKinley didn't hug him again, Arnold was gonna jump up and do it for him.

Thankfully, though, Elder McKinley got the message. He stepped closer and pulled Kevin back into his arms, gently rubbed his back as Kevin clung to him. After making a few shushing noises, he said, "Kevin... your current crisis of faith aside, you _know_ that Heavenly Father is real. You're a Mormon. You _have_ to believe that. It's what we are." Ryan paused for a minute, then said quietly, "This... this isn't really about the Africans, is it? And it isn't about the Church. I know you've been bothered about them, but that's not what has you this upset."

Kevin pulled away at that, turned his face away and angrily wiped at his eyes. His voice was harsh when he said, "I don't know what you're talking about."

Elder McKinley stepped up behind him, put his hands on Kevin's shoulders and after placing a gentle kiss on the back of Kevin's neck, said, "Yes, you do. You know exactly what I'm talking about. This is about what happened to you."

Kevin jerked away again then spun back to face Elder McKinley and Holy Moses, Arnold had never seen him so distraught, even when he'd found him in the caf jonesing off of twelve cups of coffee. There were high points of color in both his cheeks and his eyes were glazed, his breath now coming fast and shallow. When Elder McKinley moved to take a step closer, Kevin backed away again, held his hands up defensively. His voice shook when he answered, "Don't pretend you understand, Ryan. How could you possibly understand? You _can't_. You have no idea what you're talking about, so back off."

Elder McKinley winced, pulled his hands back against his chest. When he spoke, it was in a whisper, "You're right, Kevin. I can't understand what you've been through." In spite of himself, Elder McKinley's mouth then twisted into a bitter parody of a smile, "It's not an experience I would wish on my worst enemy and you're anything but." He shook himself, looked back up at Kevin, "But there is one thing I do know, even if I don't understand... Kevin, it wasn't your fault. It wasn't anything you did, OK? _You_ have to understand that."

Kevin let out his own bitter laugh at that one, "Right right. None of this is my fault. It isn't as though my own stupid pride and arrogance had anything to do with what happened. In fact, now that I think about it, maybe this was a punishment. Maybe it was Heavenly Father's way of reminding me that this is a sin. Maybe it was His way of telling me I was getting too big for my britches, huh? And if so... **what kind of sick fuck would let someone do that to his son just to teach him a lesson?**"

Kevin laughed then, high and frantic, "I'll tell you. The same kind of sick fuck who would kill his son to erase the sins of a people who treated that son like garbage. The same kind of sick fuck that would ask another father to kill _his_ son just to prove his loyalty. The same kind of sick fuck that would tell a man to lead a people to the Promised Land and then kill him before he gets to see it!" He laughed again, wrapped his arms around himself, "Well, let me tell you, Elder McKinley. If _that's_ the Heavenly Father that we serve... then he sure as Hell doesn't deserve my worship. I'd rather _believe_ that He doesn't exist." He spat out the last word like something vile, spun on his heel and took off through the undergrowth towards the village.

* * *

><p>Kevin came back to the mission house very late that night and snuck into the room that he and Arnold shared without even a word. And, Heavenly Father help him, Arnold hadn't had the guts to open his mouth and say one bloody word, either. Not when Kevin still looked so upset. Not when he was still so angry. Not when Arnold was still so damned confused. There was something else going on here, some puzzle piece that he was missing. After thinking for hours, he still didn't know what Kevin and Elder McKinley had been talking about. What had happened to Kevin that was so bad that it put him in this much of a crisis? It was probably the same thing that had driven him to that caffeine indulging spree, but Arnold didn't know what had prompted <em>that<em> either. Well, until Arnold knew, he was keeping his mouth shut.

But there was one thing he could do. Once Kevin was settled into his bunk, Arnold started softly singing, "Hush now, little buddy, put your cares away..."

And when halfway through the song Kevin started crying quietly into his pillow, Arnold didn't say a word, just reached out his hand and took one of Kevin's in his, held it tight to his chest as he finished the song... and kept protective hold of it for the rest of the night.

* * *

><p>The next morning, Kevin ducked away before Arnold had a chance to talk to him about the night before. By the time they ran into each other later that day, Elder Price was back in full presence, shining as a bright beacon of an example of what their church could be. It was as though the other day had never happened. Arnold tried to ask about it, tried to find that crack in Kevin's faade that he'd stumbled on the day before, but it was gone, smoothed over like it had never been. Other than Elder Price and Elder McKinley avoiding each other like they each thought the other had leprosy, it seemed like everything was back to normal. Arnold had no choice but to let it go.<p>

They went back to their work, helping the Africans to plant crops from the meager supply of seeds they'd managed to procure, helping to build more secure housing, trying to find ways to protect the few clean water sources they had. And Arnold slowly forgot about Kevin's "problem" - though if one were to be fair, he didn't exactly _want_ to remember, was glad of the opportunity to forget.

It wasn't until almost three months later - the one year anniversary of their arrival in Uganda - that Arnold was reminded of the ticking time bomb in their midst. Kevin had been working hard and tirelessly, trying to attract notice and attention for what they were accomplishing in this small Ugandan town. If they could get _someone_ to take notice, someone like Doctors without Borders or the Peace Corps - hell even the 4-H would be a major score at this point - then maybe they could get some real help for these people they'd come to care for like family.

Well, Kevin had finally managed to call in a favor from someone he'd known in school, a man who had graduated three years earlier than they. He was attending Ohio State University pre-med now, and he worked closely with the local Peace Corps organization. When Kevin had explained their plight, asked if his friend knew anyone who might be able to help, John had said that he might and asked for some time to work his contacts. Kevin had thanked him, said that though time was a slim commodity these days, John could have as much of it as he needed if it would get them help but he'd been despondent for days after that. Not even Arnold had been able to cheer him up. Though the possible promise of help had given them all hope, Kevin alone among them hadn't really believed that his old friend would come through for them.

They were all a little shocked, though, at how big a way John came through for them when he finally did. He'd brought their situation to the attention of the student chapter of the Peace Corps at Ohio State, many of whom were fellow Mormons - or would that be ex-fellow Mormons? _**Focus**, Arnold!_ - and they'd been riled up enough by their mission's abandonment to get the attention of someone higher up. The Peace Corps was coming to visit that very week with supplies and, more importantly, with trained people who could help. It was a miracle. And the other elders told Kevin so every chance that they got.

Kevin took in their praise and adoration like it was his due and their duty, Elder Price back in his element, at last. And Arnold was so happy to see _him_ happy that he didn't even care. If he'd known what that visit would bring, however... he might have paid a little more attention to the details.

* * *

><p>John Kimball and the Peace Corps arrived on a bright Sunday morning. Auspicious, Arnold's mother would have said, that they arrived on the Lord's Day. Arnold's father would have said it was the opposite - a bad omen that they'd traveled for work purposes on the Sabbath. Arnold didn't care. He was just glad they were here. They brought food and medicine and good timber and clothes, everything the beleaguered elders would need to get Noctiluca- No. Nucleoli? Damn it. Napoleon? Double damn it. - her village back up and running again.<p>

Arnold had insisted on being the one to help bring down the medical supplies. Chief Mafala was starting to show signs of some of the secondary illnesses associated with the AIDS virus and Arnold wanted to be the one to bring the doctors, the medicine, to the village. She'd be so happy... He'd left Elder Price and the rest to help organize the non-medical personnel and supplies. This was Kevin's windfall so Arnold figured that he deserved to reap most of the benefits, but this one... this one was Arnold's.

Though the other villagers were wary at first, she was so happy to see him - and to see who and what he'd brought - that she quickly won them over. The doctor especially was happy to see the medicines, dove into them like a kid in a candy store. He was just as happy to see the doctors that came with the medicine, was thrilled to be able to talk shop and get some help in the clinic, however briefly.

Over the next several days as things really started taking shape, Arnold visited the village more and more. He said it was because he wanted to see this miracle as it was happening... and that was true. But it was also true that Kevin seemed more and more preoccupied with picking John's brain about life back in America and it was bothering Arnold something fierce. Somehow... well, Arnold had gotten the idea along the way that since they'd broken from the Mormon church, kind of, that what they were doing here was building a life for _all_ of them. He hadn't really thought about that distant someday in two years time - or a year and 9 months for Elders Thomas, McKinley and some of the others - when they'd be leaving Uganda behind and going home. Home... what did that even mean anymore? Home was where Nicaragua - Nickadams? Naloxone? - lived. And she lived _here_, in Uganda. Home was where Kevin lived... and it looked like Kevin wanted to leave. So... what was Arnold going to do if he had to make a choice between them? He didn't know. And so he fretted and he made a nuisance of himself, got underfoot where he probably didn't belong.

Arnold had finally been banished to the old clinic, helping to move the files into the sturdy prefab buildings that the Peace Corps had brought with them to house the new clinic. At least fetching and carrying was something he could manage without being too much in the way. Or so he'd thought. On his third trip, he well... tripped. The box of files in his hands spilled out onto the floor of the clinic and he was so frustrated by then that he nearly shouted out 'Hasa Diga, Eebowai,' before thinking better of it.

He got down on the floor and started meticulously picking up the files and stuffing papers back into them. They'd gotten all mixed up and after the first few Arnold could see that it was going to take forever if he had to do it alone. Fortune, however, smiled on him for once.

Elder McKinley dropped down next to him, put a hand on his shoulder and smiled reassuringly, "Elder Cunningham, perhaps I can help?"

Arnold just nodded vehemently, so relieved at the offer of help that he forgot all about why he should feel awkward around the other Elder. They worked in silence, trading files back and forth as they found papers that belonged to different ones. As they neared the bottom of the pile and the heavier items, Arnold let out a cheer. He picked up one of the x-ray files, but before he could take note of the name on it he froze, face twisted up in confusion at what he was seeing. What on Earth...? It was a person's bottom. And it looked like... Jesus Christ! Was that a... a **book**?

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Elder McKinley's own eyes widen in horror. Before he had a chance to even ask, though, Elder McKinley had grabbed the x-ray out of his hand and shoved it into a file that he'd had sitting on his other side. His voice sounded breathy and a little panicked when he said, "I've got that one!" and Arnold was too surprised by his brusque behavior to call him on it. They filed the rest of the x-rays in awkward silence and when it came time to put the last of them back in the box so Arnold could finish carrying it, Elder McKinley surprised him again by taking it out of his arms and volunteering to take this one himself. He was then off and away before Arnold could even argue.

Curiouser and curiouser.

* * *

><p>Arnold lingered in the new clinic once the work was done for the day. That incident with Elder McKinley had stuck with him, stayed in his mind, and he'd worried over it all day like a sore tooth. It had to be a joke x-ray. After all, how could someone get a book stuck up their...? Even though there was no one around, Arnold still ducked his head to hide his blush. It was just... Bizarre, even for a joke.<p>

Once he was sure he was alone, Arnold went over to the new filing cabinets and started flipping through the x-ray files. There weren't that many - x-ray film was awfully expensive - so it shouldn't take too long to find it again.

It didn't.

And once he found it... Heavenly Father, Arnold almost wished he hadn't.

The name on the file - the file that Elder McKinley had been trying so desperately to hide from Arnold's sight - was "Kevin Price."

But... but when had this happened? **How** had it happened? How had Arnold not known about it? Arnold pulled out the accompanying file, cursed under his breath when he realized it was written in one of the local dialects, not in English. All he could make out was the date. But that date was enough, because sweet Jesus, that date... That was the day the mission president had come for his visit. That was the day that he'd found Kevin in the caf, downing cup after cup of espresso. That was the day that he'd finally had the guts to treat Kevin the way that Kevin had always treated him... like crap. Like he was nothing.

That was the day that Kevin started falling apart.

Jesus. Christ. On. A. Crutch.

Arnold stood there shaking for several minutes, so confused and so racked with guilt that he didn't know which way to turn. He... he couldn't ask Kevin to tell him about it. That just wouldn't be fair. And Elder McKinley obviously knew and didn't plan to talk either, but who else was there that he could get the story from? Well... Wait. There _was_ one other person that he could ask, because if this had happened and wasn't just a joke by the doctor, then there was only one person who could have done it. If Arnold hadn't been the head of the new church, if he hadn't written the Book of Arnold, he'd never have dared even go near that person. But he was and he had... and he was doing this for Kevin. He couldn't help his friend if he didn't know the whole story.

Arnold slid the file back into the cabinet and went in search of the General.

* * *

><p>Two hours later, Arnold almost wished he hadn't had the courage to go seek out the truth. The General had been rather more forthcoming about the details of his and Kevin's encounter than Arnold was comfortable with, had almost seemed to relish reliving the memory. It made Arnold a little sick, reminded him that the General still needed some very careful handling and some very strict guidance with all that darkness inside him. But that was a problem for another day. Today's problem was Kevin.<p>

A tiny voice inside Arnold whispered that maybe this was a good thing. After all, if Kevin had been having gay thoughts before - well, Kevin had said it himself - wouldn't this be enough to scare anyone off of that path? But the part of Arnold who had never been a good Mormon, the part of him that _was_ a good friend that part of Arnold was conflicted. Because that kind of trauma was bad for _anyone_ to carry around, no matter what else it might be good for, and Kevin didn't deserve that. Arnold was well aware that he was no more a therapist than Elder McKinley, but Kevin was his best friend he had to try.

As luck would have it, though - or not - Kevin wasn't at the mission house when Arnold got back from his talk with the General. Neither was Elder McKinley. Arnold didn't know what to make of that. He asked around and everyone claimed they hadn't seen either of them... but Elder Thomas wouldn't meet his eyes when he told him so. Arnold stared him down, easily able to recognize the lie when he'd told so many himself. Elder Thomas knew damned well where his mission companion was and he was going to share that information with Arnold whether he wanted to or not.

After a few moments of locking gazes with Arnold, the other man broke, told him where Kevin and Elder McKinley had gone. Arnold declared that Elder Thomas was coming with him, that they were going to get to the bottom of this once and for all. No matter how the other man protested, Arnold wasn't hearing of it. He _had_ to do something to try to fix this mess.

They found the pair behind one of the prefab buildings the Peace Corps had brought with them - a storage house for grains and such. They were standing awfully close to each other, almost in each other's faces, and seemed to be having a pretty heated discussion, too. Arnold hushed Elder Thomas before he could call attention to their presence, forced him down behind the bushes so they could watch the pair unobserved.

A moment later, in a strange reversal of the last time Arnold had been in this position, the balance shifted. Elder McKinley was now the one doing the pursuing and it was Kevin who couldn't keep him far enough away. After a few minutes of this game of keep-away, Elder McKinley grew frustrated, grabbed Kevin by the shoulders and slammed him against the wall of the storehouse. He slid his hands down to grab Kevin's wrists and hold them out to the side so he couldn't push the other man away, pushed up against him and pressed their lips together. Even from this distance, Arnold could see that Kevin wasn't comfortable with that action, was in fact, somewhat scared by Elder McKinley's sudden aggression. Couldn't Elder McKinley see it? Jesus Christ, what was wrong with him?

Knowing what he now knew, it took everything Arnold had in him not to leap from the bushes and come to Kevin's defense. No one who'd been violated that way should be treated like this! Before he could do anything, though, Kevin's posture relaxed and his hands twitched. When he felt that relaxation, Elder McKinley released Kevin's wrists and instead slid his hands up to cup Kevin's face. Kevin let his hands drop forwards to rest on Elder McKinley's waist, eventually slid them around him to pull the other man closer. The kiss gentled, became mutual, tender... kind of sweet, actually.

Apparently Elder Thomas thought so, too, judging by the small sniffle and the happy sigh coming from Arnold's left. It didn't last, though. The two men parted lips, though Elder McKinley remained pressed up against Kevin and Kevin didn't seem to be in a hurry to let go, either. After a minute of staring into each other's eyes, Kevin leaned forward to rest his head against Elder McKinley's. Arnold was only barely able to make out what he said. It was, "You could come with me, you know."

Arnold's heart rate kicked up a notch. He'd been right. Kevin was thinking of leaving. What about their dreams to build a paradise planet here? Was he just going to abandon all that? Again?

Elder McKinley shook his head, "I can't. My mission isn't over for another eight months. If I leave early I could be forced out of the church. My soul is damned enough already without that, Kevin."

At those words, Kevin finally did push him away, started angrily pacing the clearing. When he turned back to face Elder McKinley he said, "So what is this, then? Don't you remember what you told me when I got here? According to the very church you cling to, it isn't even OK to have gay _thoughts_, remember? So, what do you call this? CPR practice?"

Elder McKinley flushed, took a step closer, hand outstretched, then seemed to think better of it and pulled his hand back in. He shifted nervously for a moment before answering, "It... I..." He finally exploded with, "I don't **know**, Kevin! I know..." He dropped his voice almost to a whisper, stepped closer, "I know I care about you. I know I don't want you to go. I know I want more from you than a few stolen kisses and moonlit walks holding hands. _I want more._ But... but it's not permissible. We can't _have_ more. We shouldn't even have this much. I know what happens to people who try and I don't want that for you." He shivered, finally said quietly, "Kevin... I don't know what to do." With those last words, a tear slipped unheeded from Elder McKinley's eye.

Elder Thomas sniffled beside Arnold again, let out a small whimper. Arnold turned and slapped a hand over the other man's mouth to shush him then turned back to watching his companion and Elder McKinley. Kevin closed the distance between them, reached up a hand to brush Elder McKinley's hair from his forehead, then pulled the smaller man back into his arms, "Ryan... Ryan, don't you get it? I can't live like this anymore. I can't stay here. There are too many memories, too much pain and death and I just can't do it anymore. I can't go on pretending it's all OK when it's _not_. I want to go home."

Elder McKinley frowned and slowly reached his arms around Kevin to answer the other man's embrace and said, "Kevin I know you think that running away is the answer, but it isn't. It never is. You've been doing so well and it's getting better. _I_ see it, even if you don't. If you run away now Kevin, you're stronger than that, better than that. You're a force to be reckoned with when you put your mind to it, so just put your mind to it, already!"

Kevin sighed and shook his head, "Ryan, it's more than that. It isn't just for personal reasons that I want to leave." Taking a deep breath, he said, "I know I fake it well, but I don't know how much longer I can Ryan, I don't believe in the Mormon church anymore. I haven't for a really long time. I have a problem with so much of what the Book of Mormon tells us I mean, really - G-d needs a planet to live on? How does that make sense? The President of the Church speaks directly to G-d? Come on. I have a real problem believing that the president of the Church speaks for Him when so many presidents seem to claim that G-d coincidentally supports their every political agenda. I don't Ryan, none of it makes sense. Our whole religion just doesn't make _sense_. And I feel like a complete hypocrite for staying here and pretending to be carrying on my mission when really I just don't believe anymore. The Book of Mormon, the Book of Arnold they're all just made up stories to keep people in line and on the path of what the human authors of those books believe is righteous."

Elder McKinley's frown deepened, "So, what you're saying is that even if you stay here in body, you'll be leaving in spirit leaving the Church."

Kevin nodded against Elder McKinley's head, said quietly, "That's exactly what I'm saying. The Church I have trouble believing just about everything they say these days. I don't _trust_ them anymore, Ryan. And it's a funny thing, but once I acknowledged that, once I took that step away from the church in my mind Ryan, I stopped having the Spooky Hell Dream. I'm at peace with myself - and with G-d - in a way I haven't been since I was a very young child. That's that's pretty telling to me."

Halfway through that speech Elder McKinley jerked in Kevin's arms, made a token effort to pull away, but Kevin wasn't about to allow that and just held on tighter. When Elder McKinley settled down again, he let out a bitter little laugh that seemed awfully out of place for this conversation before burying his head in Kevin's chest and muttering, "No more Spooky Hell Dream, huh? Well, that's one positive thing, at least. We should all be so lucky." At Kevin's confused noise, Elder McKinley shrugged and said, "Never mind. I'm happy for you - that G-d's forgiven you for your transgressions - but if that's the case then I'm even more confused that you'd want to tempt that forgiveness by staying with me. Maybe you _should_ go. Get away from temptation before I drag you under, again."

Kevin made a noise of frustration and gave the man in his arms a small shake, "That's what I've been trying to tell you, Ryan. I don't think G-d was ever the problem here. I think the Mormon Church is." At Elder McKinley's incredulous look, Kevin said, "Think about it. All that we've accomplished here we've done with our own two hands and our own backs, our own sweat and tears. The Church had nothing to do with it, remember? They washed their hands of us months ago. But in spite of that we've made _miracles_ here. Every miracle that has happened here, _we've_ brought about. Together."

Kevin huffed out a short laugh, cradled Elder McKinley closer, "Don't you see? That's not a burden, not a curse... Ryan, it's a _gift_. Heavenly Father created us, gave us these hands, these eyes, these hearts, to do _good_ with, to create our own miracles. And if He's the one who gave us these hearts... then don't you think he also planned for ours to find each other? Don't you think... don't you think it's possible that all this time we've gotten it wrong somehow? Because the way I see it, a G-d that's all-knowing, a G-d that's all-loving... the G-d of our Father, Jesus Christ how could He ever say that love in _any_ form is wrong? Maybe... Maybe Heavenly Father isn't the sick, twisted asshole in this equation. Maybe the church is. Because _this_..." Kevin tilted Elder McKinley's face up towards his and placed a gentle kiss on the corner of his lips, "...This is too beautiful to be wrong. Ryan... please tell me you see that. _Please_."

Arnold found himself leaning forwards, holding his breath in anticipation of the coming answer, because what Kevin was saying - in spite of some of his words carrying a vicious sting for the "author of the Book of Arnold" - Jesus, it felt so right. Maybe all this time the church _had_ gotten it wrong. After all, a mere 33 years earlier the church would have said it was wrong for he and Nefertiti to be together... and now it was A-OK. Arnold didn't know what to think anymore, but he'd be the first to admit that, even now, he was ridiculously easily swayed by anything Elder Price said. Unfortunately for Kevin, Arnold's opinion wasn't the one that mattered here.

Elder McKinley leaned up into Kevin's embrace, pursued that butterfly kiss in spite of his obvious reticence. When they parted again, he let out a whimper, buried his face in Kevin's shirt, "You... Kevin, do you really think that or are you just saying it to get what you want?" At Kevin's flinch, Elder McKinley shook his head, "Just a few months ago, you were convinced that G-d wasn't worth your worship. Now, you expect me to believe that you're equally convinced that He deserves the credit for us? You've twisted so much of the Book this last year to suit your own needs, how do I know this isn't more of the same? 'Even the Devil can quote scripture to suit his purposes,' right? And if all of this is a ploy to get me to go home with you, how will that make anything better? If you go home, especially like this and especially with me Kevin, how do you expect to fit back into life in Utah if we do this?"

Kevin hesitated for a moment, then released Elder McKinley and moved away, unable to even face him as he said quietly, "I... don't."

"What?" Elder McKinley yelled back, "What do you mean you don't?"

Kevin moved back over and hushed the other man, eyes frantically looking around. Arnold kept a hand over Elder Thomas' mouth, just as desperate not to be heard as Kevin was. Finally, Kevin hissed out, "Would you keep your voice down? Who knows who might be out here?" When Elder McKinley nodded, Kevin let him go, answered quietly, "I'm not going back to Utah, Ryan. There's too much... I just can't, OK? That's what I've been trying to tell you. I've been talking to John. What I didn't tell Elder Cunningham... what I didn't tell any of you, is that the reason none of you remembered him is that he left the Mormon church shortly after returning from his mission. See, he was the golden boy, the brightest, most promising student in his class, the..." Kevin paused, let out a self-deprecating laugh, "He was the Elder Price of his year, as it were. So when he left... it was a scandal. It was hushed up very quickly - _very_ quickly - and he was all but erased from our community. That's what the church does with those who disagree with it." Kevin sighed, shook his head, finally said, "He said he'd be willing to help me, get me in touch with people who could get me a job, a loan to get through college if my parents won't- oh, hell, we both know they won't support me if I do this. Anyway, he's willing to help with all that. He said he knows what it's like."

Elder McKinley stared at him for a minute, then ground out, "Is he gay, too?"

Kevin stared at the smaller man for a minute, eyes almost comically wide. After another minute, he snorted out a laugh. At Elder McKinley's disgruntled expression, Kevin laughed harder, finally pulled Ryan into his arms again and kissed him briefly on the lips. When Elder McKinley didn't respond except to continue to frown, Kevin finally said, "Ryan... are you _jealous_?"

Spluttering indignantly, Elder McKinley said, "I am **not**. I'm happy for you. Really. Leave all your responsibilities behind and all your friends to rot in this Hell and go off to Ohio with your John, then. Have a fabulous, gay, sin-filled old life in some big, slummy city and leave me be, if that's what you really want."

Kevin sighed, leaned his forehead against Elder McKinley's, "Ryan... John's not gay, all right? He just no longer believes in the church doctrine. He's a friend and he wants to help." Kevin took one step back from Elder McKinley and gave his shoulders a soft shake, "Enough of this. Ryan, I'm not telling you this to upset you. I'm telling you this because I care about- no. No, I'm telling you this because I _love_ you. I want you to come with me, to _be_ with me. I want to build a life with you... but we can't do that as Mormons. You said it yourself - it's not even OK to have gay thoughts according to the church. So, if you want to be with me, leaving the Mormon Church is the only way to do it. I want that. I want it for myself. I want it for you. I want it for _us_. But if you don't... well. I can't and I won't force you, but I thought... I don't know. I guess I thought you'd want it, too."

Elder McKinley was silent for a long moment and Arnold found himself holding his breath in anticipation, but even he couldn't say what he hoped that Elder McKinley would decide. So, it was something of a shock when Elder McKinley's quietly voiced, "Kevin... I need to think about this," was so disappointing that Arnold almost responded with a "No!" of his own.

Kevin took another step back, said, "I... I understand. Take whatever time you need. Just... Ryan... don't take too long, OK? John's only going to be here for another month. I'd like to leave with him when he goes... with or without you." And with those quietly spoken words, Kevin turned and left the clearing. And what _wasn't_ a shock was that once he was gone, Elder McKinley sat down hard on the ground, buried his face in his hands and started to cry.

Arnold finally let Elder Thomas go, gave him a nudge in Elder McKinley's direction. Arnold had bigger fish to fry.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**

Elder McKinley: *throws hands in the air* Oh, I give up, already.

R-chan: What? I left you alone this chapter, didn't I?

Elder McKinley: _This_ chapter? D:

R-chan: Uh oops.

*eg* ^_^

_Questions, comments, prickly pears?_

Elder McKinley: I'm not even gonna.

R-chan: Trust me, it'll makes sense next chapter.

Elder McKinley: *rae* You mean the chapter where you _don't_ leave me alone?

R-chan: Yes, exactly. *nodnod*

Elder McKinley: Aw, heck. *whimper*

Elder Price: *cuddles Elder McKinley, glares at the fic author*

Elder McKinley: *sigh* Guess you were right to be worried after all, weren't you?

Elder Price: *scowls*

R-chan: ^_^


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** Turn It Off  
><strong>Fandom:<strong> The Book of Mormon, a Broadway musical  
><strong>Pairing:<strong> Elder McKinley/Elder Price  
><strong>Rating:<strong> PG-13  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> Total: 18,171, Part 2: 9,393  
><strong>Warnings:<strong> **SPOILERS!**. Slash, angst, reference to what General Butt F'ing Naked did to Elder Price.

**Disclaimer:** Neither the musical nor the boys belong to me, if they did, Elder McKinley would have a boyfriend by the end of the show and it would probably be Elder Price. ^_~ _((Book of Mormon was written by Trey Parker, Matt Stone and Robert Lopez.))_

**Summary:** "Where's your 'nifty, little Mormon trick,' now, huh? What good is it if you can't use it when you need it most?"

**_July 20, 2011:_** Yeah *shrugs* Not much else to say today. Angst abounds, hijinks ensue what can I say? Just another day in the life of Arnold the reluctant matchmaking Prophet. ;)

Enjoy and please remember... comments and reviews are love!

* * *

><p><strong>Turn It Off - Part 2<strong>  
><em>by Renee-chan<em>

Arnold spent all night with his head buried in the Bible, plotting plots and tossing them away just as quickly. There were two major problems that needed dealing with if Arnold wanted Kevin to stay - which he did - and he didn't have a whole lot of time to find answers to them. The first was that that being gay was wrong. After Kevin's impassioned speech to Elder McKinley, Arnold was on board with the idea that that was a bunch of rubbish. So, if Arnold wanted Kevin to stay, then he'd have to find a way to make it OK for him to be gay here, so he wouldn't feel the need to run away to Ohio or New York or wherever. There _had_ to be something, had to be a way to fix that, to make it OK, he just couldn't think of what it could be. He poured over the Book of Mormon, the New Testament, the Old Testament. And when he got frustrated with it all and just wanted to quit and throw the books out the window, he even went back over the Book of Arnold, laughing over some of the earlier stories he'd told. _The wizard Moroni from the Starship Enterprise, huh? **Not** my best work. Not only mixing fandoms, but mixing whole **genres**. Smooth, Arnold... smooth._

And that was when it hit him.

When Kevin came back to the room and found him maniacally cackling at his desk, writing in his journal as fast as his hand could keep up with his plotting, Kevin just raised an eyebrow and edged past him, said, "I don't think I even want to know."

Arnold looked up, smiled brightly at Kevin, "It's nothing, partner! Just some things I want to include in the next version of the Book. Some stuff that came up that we didn't deal with in any of the earlier copies."

Kevin smiled indulgently, like he might have at a child, "OK, Arnold. We'll take a look at it when you're done, then."

Oh... oh, that wouldn't do. Kevin couldn't see this until it was ready. Arnold twitched, finally blurted out, "No! You can't! Uh..." Eventually he lamely finished with, "It's a surprise."

"A surprise, huh?" Kevin smiled at him - really smiled.

And Jesus Christ, if it didn't make Arnold's heart flip-flop every time Kevin smiled like that, _really_ smiled, just at him, like he was the most important thing in the world at the moment... then Arnold would eat his own book. Not that _he_ was gay or anything. It was just that when Kevin smiled at anyone like that, it made that person feel like he could take on the world and win. And... well... wasn't that what they'd been doing here? Taking on the world and winning? Arnold wasn't ready to give that up, yet. He wasn't ready to give _Kevin_ up, yet. He was supposed to have him for one more year and he _wanted_ that year - more, if he could manage it.

Arnold just nodded, "Yeah, a surprise."

Kevin laughed, sat down on the bed to take his shoes off, "Well, all right then. A surprise it'll be."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Arnold's pencil scratching across paper and the soft shushing noises of cloth-on-cloth as Kevin got changed for bed the only substantial sounds in the room. Finally, Arnold couldn't take it anymore and turned to face Kevin, blurted out, "Kevin... I just wanted you to know... you can talk to me about anything. Anything at all. You're my best friend, OK?"

Kevin smiled, that indulgent smile again, as he pulled back the covers of his bed, "OK, Arnold. I'll remember that."

Arnold shook his head, put his pencil down and walked over to where Kevin was standing. He took one of Kevin's hands in his, "Kevin... I really mean it. Anything, anytime. If you need to talk... even if you think it's something really bad, something that I won't understand I may not be able to fix it, but I'll listen, OK?"

Kevin patted his hand, smiled again, though his eyes were confused as he said, "I heard you the first time, buddy, but thanks, again. If anything comes up, I'll keep that in mind. OK?"

Arnold wanted to say more but he couldn't, not without giving himself away. Damn. So, he just smiled nervously and let go of Kevin's hand, "OK. Good. I'll just... you know... go back to the umm... yeah." He then fled back to his desk and picked up his pencil again, started scratching away at the paper, already feeling silly for having said something in the first place.

Such a long time passed before Kevin spoke again that Arnold had been sure he'd fallen asleep, had even turned off the overheard light for him. So Arnold jumped and almost screamed when his companion proved that that wasn't the case. Kevin said, "Arnold... There actually _is_ something I want to say to you." He sat up then, turned on his bedside lamp. When Arnold turned to face him, Kevin smiled again, one of those real, stomach flopping ones, "What I want to say is, 'Thank you.' We've done so much good here and it's all because you had the courage to go your own way. I... I admire that. I admire _you_. And I wanted to thank you for it before I forgot."

Arnold blushed, ducked his head, and said, "Aw... gee... You don't have to..."

Kevin's smile widened at Arnold's response, "Yes, I do. You deserve it, Arnold. Don't forget that. Even if your father isn't proud of you, _I_ am." And with that, he turned off his bedside lamp and laid back down to go to sleep.

In the wee hours of the morning, when Arnold was _really_ sure that Kevin was asleep, he tucked his journal under his arm and left the mission house, ready to put the first part of his plan into action. And for that... he'd need... he'd need... Nabulungi! Her name was Nabulungi! He'd need Nabulungi's help.

* * *

><p>Now that Arnold knew what he was looking at, every time he saw Kevin and John sitting together, laughing, talking up a storm, all apparent innocence but really anything but, he wanted to race over there and scream his head off, grab Kevin and hide him away from the other man. It wasn't fair. Kevin was <em>his<em> mission companion. Maybe that changed things if they weren't Mormons anymore. Maybe that changed things if this was no longer technically a mission. Arnold didn't care. His life had changed for the better the day that Kevin had been thrown kicking and screaming into it and, in spite of what Kevin had said, Arnold knew that he'd never have managed half the things he had here without him. He _needed_ his companion. He needed his best friend. He wasn't giving him up without a fight.

But he left Kevin and John alone when they were talking - even when he'd see Elder McKinley watching them, too, blue eyes wide and hurt, but trying so hard not to show it. Arnold didn't know what he'd have made of the situation if he didn't know what he knew, but as it was, it was even getting _him_ upset. He knew he should feel disgusted - after all, it just wasn't natural to feel that way about another man. It was against Heavenly Father's plan. Hell, it was specifically warned against in Leviticus. So, he really should have been revolted by the mere thought... but instead he found himself almost routing for the pair like a teenaged girl cheering on her favorite soap opera couple. Some part of him - some really big part of him - wanted to see the two of them get together... and be happy.

Maybe that was it. He'd found a girl - a woman - whom he adored. He was truly happy for the first time in his life and he wanted that same happiness for his best friend. That wasn't so much to ask, was it? He just wanted his friend to be as happy as he was. And wasn't that the point of this whole thing? Making the world a better, brighter, happier place? Of course, it was.

After several days of watching Kevin, John and Elder McKinley dance around each other, Arnold finally got up the courage to tackle the second half of the problem. It wouldn't do at all if he made being gay OK one day, just to have the Ugandan government make it a capital offense the next. Then Kevin would have to leave anyway and that just wouldn't do. But taking care of that problem from within Uganda was going to be... tricky. No one in the government was going to listen to him and no one outside Uganda even knew this was happening.

Arnold knew a way to fix that. He just needed to get to a computer.

Though he was a bundle of nerves about it, Arnold had pulled John aside after dinner one night to ask. Not that the ex-Mormon was hard to talk to. He wasn't. He was kind and patient and just so... good. That was the whole problem, really. John Kimball was like Elder Price - too perfect for mere mortals to touch. Arnold could all too easily understand what Kevin had meant when he'd said that Elder Kimball had been the Elder Price of his class. Fortunately, he really had been. And when Arnold had stumbled over asking for what he needed, fighting off his stutter and his endlessly cracking voice, John was patient, gave him the time he needed to get out the questions. And the reward... oh, the reward...

John hadn't asked any questions, hadn't even pointed out that according to mission rules, Arnold shouldn't even be asking for what he was asking for. He'd just smiled and agreed to help Arnold get what he needed. And the next morning he kept his word.

Arnold stood in the local Peace Corps headquarters and just stared. It had been a year, a whole year, - _more_ - since he'd seen such a beautiful sight. There were computers - _three_ of them - and printers, faxes... _scanners_. After a year with no technology, it seemed like a little slice of Heaven and Arnold thanked Heavenly Father appropriately. He also thanked John, who laughed, clapped him on the shoulder and left him to his own devices while he went to take care of some paperwork. Arnold didn't ask what it was, only hoped desperately that it wasn't the necessary paperwork of acquiring a plane ticket for one Kevin Price.

Instead, he set up his papers in the copy machine and started them copying, and sat down at a computer and cracked his knuckles. After taking a deep breath to steady himself, he then laid his fingers reverently on the keyboard and began to type. It took a while for his fingers to relearn the way of it, but he got faster as he went, picked up more and more speed until he was typing nearly as quickly as he once had. He wouldn't have access to this webpage he was creating for long, so it would have to be simple, just something to get the message out. He'd have to rely on friends with whom he'd been long out of contact to pass it along and do whatever else needed doing.

Once he had the webpage set up, Arnold took a deep breath and logged into one of his favorite chatrooms and waited to be noticed. It didn't take long.

* * *

><p>(02:23:15 EST) <em>ArcunSolo enters the chat room, Cloud City.<em>  
>PrincessLeia558 (02:24:16 EST): Arcun? No way! -pounce- Tell me I'm dreaming. No wait. I don't care. If I'm dreaming, I don't want to wake up.<br>ArcunSolo (02:25:03 EST): -laughs- You're not dreaming, Leia. It's really me.  
>CarlosCalrissian (02:25:34 EST): -punches Arcun in the shoulder- You sly, old dog! I thought you were halfway around the world! When the hell did you get back?<br>ArcunSolo (02:27:12 EST): I still **am** halfway around the world!  
>PrincessLeia558 (02:28:19 EST): Wait. You're still in Uganda? How the hell are you <em>here<em>, then? I thought computers were supposed to be a big no-no. -puzzled frown-  
>CarlosCalrissian (02:28:58 EST): The lady's got a point, Arcun.<br>ArcunSolo (02:30:21 EST): Look, guys, it's a long story and I really don't have time to tell the whole thing. I'm on a borrowed computer and I need your help. It's worth breaking the rules and it's kind of urgent.  
>CarlosCalrissian (02:31:26 EST): You want me to call in the rest of the gang? I think they're over at Lothlorien tonight...<br>ArcunSolo (02:33:35 EST): Carlos, there's really no time. You can fill them in later.  
>PrincessLeia558 (02:34:01 EST): Carlos, just shut up and let the man talk, OK? We're listening, Arcun. -scowls at Carlos- Both of us.<br>CarlosCalrissian (02:34:43 EST): -makes a zipping motion over his lips-  
>ArcunSolo (02:36:42 EST): -breathes a sigh of relief- Thanks, guys. OK. I started a Wikipedia article with most of what you need to know. It's here: ( .orgwiki/Uganda_Anti-Homosexuality_Bill ). Please read it and start spreading the word around. It's really... It's something that I want to stop from happening and I need help from outside Uganda to do it.  
>ArcunSolo (02:40:22 EST): Umm... guys? Hello?<br>PrincessLeia558 (02:40:59 EST): Still here, Arcun. Reading. This is _awful!_  
>CarlosCalrissian (02:42:02 EST): I, uh... hate to be the one to ask the obvious question here, but... Arcun... I thought your umm... your people don't believe in... wouldn't they think this was a good thing?<br>ArcunSolo (02:44:35 EST): I don't care **what** they would think! Two wrongs don't ever make a right and this is **wrong**, Carlos. Something like 80% of the people here are HIV+, dude, and that's all they'd need to condemn you. It'll basically give 'em an excuse to kill anyone they want. I need to stop this and I CAN'T DO IT ALONE. -flails-  
>PrincessLeia558 (02:46:52 EST): Carlos, shut <em>up<em>. Arcun, calm down. -cuddles- You're right. This is wrong and it needs to be stopped. _We'll help_. I know you probably won't be able to get back on a computer for a while, so I'll take over coordinating this. You've done the right thing, Arcun. We'll take it from here.  
>CarlosCalrissian (02:47:37 EST): She's right, man. We've got your back. We'll help. Of course, we will.<br>ArcunSolo (02:47:57 EST): You _guuuuuuys_...! -wobble eyes-  
>PrincessLeia558 (02:48:28 EST): Go, Arcun. Rest easy. Take care of your people. -kotc- And take care of yourself, too. We'll take care of this.<br>ArcunSolo (02:49:04 EST): Thank you, Leia. Thanks, Carlos. I won't forget this. -looks up- Oh shoot. John's back. I gotta go. -hugs- THANK YOU!  
>(02:49:15 EST) <em>ArcunSolo exits the chat room, Cloud City.<em>

* * *

><p>Arnold shut down the chat room screen and quickly wiped the browser history as John walked back into the room. He didn't have time for much else, hoped his face didn't look as guilty as he feared it did. He'd done nothing wrong. He hadn't even lied. And John was no longer a Mormon. He probably wouldn't even condemn Arnold for what he'd done if he knew the truth, but Arnold wasn't taking any chances.<p>

John smiled at him and said, "All done?"

Arnold nodded as he stood, sighing wistfully at having to walk away from this little slice of Heaven. Silently he promised those computers, _I'll be back... someday... someday..._ He then grabbed his photocopies and followed John back out to the Jeep. He hadn't done much... he only hoped it would be enough.

* * *

><p>Two weeks later, Arnold was starting to wonder if Kevin Price was just a figment of his imagination. He woke up almost every morning to find that Kevin had ducked out early yet again. Arnold sighed. Sure, the man was their liaison to the Peace Corps and that meant he was really busy these days, but it would have been nice to have breakfast with him every now and then. Arnold knew he wasn't purposefully being avoided but there was a part of him that always fretted that that was the case, worried that Kevin was off with John plotting ways to get rid of him so he could hang out with someone better.<p>

Arnold looked around the room to take quick stock of where everyone was sitting. Mostly it was the usual small groups, enjoying their breakfasts and talking animatedly amongst themselves about the upcoming day. It was good to see everyone so excited. Well nearly everyone. Huh. Arnold frowned. Elder McKinley wasn't sitting in his usual place. He was sitting off by himself at a table in the corner, a mug of what Arnold _hoped_ was herbal tea cradled in his hands. The other man was hunched over his mug, staring into it like it might hold the meaning of the Universe in its depths. He looked exhausted. He'd looked exhausted a lot over the last two weeks, actually. Arnold thought about it for a minute, then finally decided that someone should go talk to their mission leader and try to get to the bottom of his apparently sleepless nights. Someone like him.

Before he could carry his breakfast tray over to join the other man, however, someone's hand on his elbow pulled him up short. He turned to meet the worried eyes of Elder Thomas. Once the other Elder had his attention, he said, "I wouldn't do that if I were you."

Arnold frowned, said, "Why not?" He looked up at Elder McKinley again, "He looks kind of lonely sitting there by himself. And why is he sitting alone, anyway? Did he get sprayed by a skunk or something?"

Rather than laugh at Arnold's obvious ploy to lighten the unexpectedly somber tone of the conversation, Elder Thomas just shook his head sadly, "No, Elder Cunningham. He just he didn't sleep well last night, OK? And when he doesn't sleep well he can well he can be a little rough in the morning. If you give him an hour or so he'll be back to his usual charming self, but if you get in his face before then he'll be like this all day. So, just leave him alone, all right?"

Arnold frowned again, "But but, that's not what friends do, Elder Thomas. If your friend is upset, you help him. You talk to him. And Elder McKinley isn't just your friend, he's your mission companion. You should be over there doing that!"

Elder Thomas sighed, let his hand drop, "You think I haven't tried that before?" He snorted out a short laugh, "I guess there are some lessons you just have to learn the hard way. Fine. You want to go talk to him, go talk to him, but don't say I didn't warn you." When Arnold turned to walk away, Elder Thomas caught his arm once more, said, "And Elder Cunningham one last thing. Once you've managed to work him up into a massive bitch-fit - because you will - he's all yours for the day. Count me out."

With that last warning in his ears, Arnold almost changed his mind, almost turned and sat with Elder Church and Elder Neeley but when he looked back over at Elder McKinley, he just couldn't. The other elder looked like someone just told him his puppy died, or his Xbox was broken, or, or well, something bad had happened. Then again, knowing what Arnold knew something bad _had_ happened. Kevin might be _leaving_. And if Arnold felt bad about that, how much worse must Elder McKinley feel, especially since he couldn't even talk to anyone about it? Arnold couldn't even imagine. But because he knew, at least a little bit, how Elder McKinley must be feeling, Arnold couldn't leave him sitting alone like that to stew in his unhappiness. He just couldn't.

Squaring his shoulders, Arnold carried his tray over to Elder McKinley's table and plunked it and himself down across from the other man. At the noise, Elder McKinley finally raised his eyes from his tea cup. And when he did, Arnold almost wished he hadn't. He didn't even have words to describe what he saw in the other man's eyes, but what he was seeing it made him want to weep. Before he'd even thought about what he was doing, Arnold had reached out a hand and laid it gently on Elder McKinley's arm. Elder McKinley jerked his arm away as though he'd been burned. The movement jostled the mug and Elder McKinley let out a quiet curse as dark liquid splashed across the tabletop between them. Arnold hastened to mop up the spill with some napkins while Elder McKinley righted the cup. And as Arnold deposited the sopping napkins onto his tray, he couldn't help but notice the smell and that it wasn't the smell of tea.

Eyes wide and horrified, Arnold whispered harshly across the table, "Elder McKinley are you drinking _coffee_?"

The other elder's face slid into a sneer and he said mockingly, "No, the new stock of herbal tea we got from the Peace Corps just smells remarkably like it." At Arnold's wide-eyed look, Elder McKinley rolled his eyes and said, "Oh, for goodness' sake, what difference does it make if I am?"

Arnold winced at the bitter tone in Elder McKinley's voice, "It it matters. Elder McKinley, you're not supposed to have caffeine. You could get in trouble."

Elder McKinley let out a bitter laugh, "Oh, that's rich, especially coming from you, Elder Cunningham. Tell me, who am I going to get into trouble with? The District Leader? The President of the Church? They washed their hands of us, remember? As far as we know, we're not even Mormons anymore. We're an embarrassment, a disgrace."

Arnold gaped at him for a full minute, unable to answer that bitterness with something flippant. Finally, he said, "You could get in trouble with Heavenly Father."

At that, a smile finally spread across Elder McKinley's face. Only, it wasn't a nice smile. It was cruel, bitter hateful. Arnold's breath caught when its full effect was turned on him. That just made the smile widen. Elder McKinley locked gazes with him, saluted him with his mug of coffee and downed what remained of it in one long swallow. He then deliberately placed the mug down on the table and stood. As he stared down at Arnold, that hurtful smile turned back into a sneer, "Heavenly Father and I haven't been on good speaking terms since I was ten, Elder Cunningham, so I don't really give a rat's ass what he thinks I should be drinking while on my mission. You know what though? Since you and he are such good buddies, maybe you'll ask him this for me: is it a greater sin to consume caffeine while on a mission or to use a computer? It's something I'm curious to know." With those his parting words, Elder McKinley turned away from the table and left.

Arnold just stared. How How had Elder McKinley even known what he'd been up to yesterday? Who told him? This whole conversation had just been _wrong_ from start to finish. This Elder McKinley wasn't like this. He might be a little temperamental sometimes, but he wasn't he wasn't he wasn't deliberately cruel. That bitterness, that desolation, that utter lack of faith great Heavenly Father, where had that come from? And how could he hide it from them so well on a daily basis? Was this the result of Kevin's lack of faith rubbing off? No no, it couldn't be - not if it had been going on since Elder McKinley was ten. Jesus. Arnold hadn't been dealing well with the _first_ ticking time bomb, he didn't even know where to start dealing with a second! For all he knew, the two of them would infect the entire mission before they were through!

Arnold barely noticed as someone patted his shoulder and then sat down across from him until the other person spoke, "I tried to warn you, Elder Cunningham."

Arnold blinked, came back to himself and spluttered, "What what on **Earth**, Elder Thomas? That wasn't Elder McKinley. Maybe Oh my **G-d**, maybe he's possessed!"

Elder Thomas smiled gently, patted his hand, "Some mornings I think he may as well be, but he's not, Elder Cunningham. No, you just had the pleasure of conversing with Ryan McKinley before he's 'turned it off' for the day. I don't blame you for finding that unsettling. Most people do."

"He He was so mean!" Arnold was almost embarrassed to feel his lower lip tremble, "What did I do that upset him so much?"

Elder Thomas patted him again, "Nothing, Elder Cunningham. You didn't do anything. Like I said, when he's like this, he doesn't take notice of who it is he's hurting, he just lashes out, and he'll shred whoever is unfortunate enough to be in his line of sight. It's why we all avoid him on these kinds of mornings." Sitting back in his chair, Elder Thomas shrugged, "If it's going to be bad, he'll usually give me a heads-up when we wake up so I can scoot out of his way. Then I warn everyone else and we all do our best to stay away until he's under control. If you give him that hour, he'll usually manage to turn off whatever's still riding him from the night before and he'll be back to his normal, charming self." At Arnold's horrified look, Elder Thomas shook his head, "And don't worry. I won't really leave you alone with him all day. In the beginning we used to trip on this kind of situation almost daily before we understood the routine. I got used to dodging his temper when he stayed like this all day. I can still do it. I'm not _that_ out of practice."

Arnold shook his head, finally found his voice, "Do Do you mean that he has this inside him all the time? That he's just bottling it up so it won't bother anyone else? Elder Thomas, he said he and Heavenly Father haven't been on speaking terms since he was **ten**. Has he been like this since then? My G-d, how does he function? That Elder Thomas, this can't be healthy for him. We have to _do_ something."

At that, Elder Thomas stood up, "Elder Cunningham, you're not listening. I've _tried_. Do you think I haven't? He's my mission companion. G-d help me, I love Ryan like a brother and I'd help him if I could, but I've tried everything. I'm out of ideas. I'm sorry." Giving Arnold's shoulder one final pat, Elder Thomas went back to his seat.

Well well that wasnt good enough. If there was one thing that Arnold knew it was that Kevin loved Elder McKinley. And if Kevin loved him, then Arnold kind of had to love him, too. Because if Elder McKinley was like Elder Thomas' brother, then Kevin was like Arnold's brother. And if Kevin was Arnold's brother, then Elder McKinley was kind of like his brother's girlfriend. Boyfriend. Something. Whatever. And if his brother's whatever was suffering, then Arnold wanted to help. And maybe helping Elder McKinley might help Kevin, too. But how? Maybe it was like eating a prickly pear. Maybe you just had to get past all the hard outer spiky parts to get at the soft part inside. Regardless, there had to be a way and Arnold was going to find it.

* * *

><p>When Arnold caught up to Elder McKinley again, he was in his office, sorting through piles of paperwork. Normally, he did such activities with a cheerful grin, sometimes even hummed or whistled a little as he slowly whittled down the stacks. He'd always look up with an inviting smile and a twinkle in his eye, ask oh-so-politely if Arnold needed anything. His office was warm, welcoming, just like him. He was firm, but fair, someone you could go to with your problems. Not today. Today he was scowling, occasionally slamming a particularly offensive piece of paper down on its stack. And he didn't look up, didn't even acknowledge that there was someone standing in the doorway. Arnold really didn't want to go in there but that didn't mean he wouldn't.<p>

He approached the desk slowly, hoping that Elder McKinley would at least look up he didn't. Finally Arnold cleared his throat, said quietly, "Elder McKinley? Do you have a minute?"

The other Elder sighed, put down the papers in his hands and finally turned that steely blue gaze on Arnold. Arnold almost wished he hadn't. The cold look in those eyes was making him feel so _small_. Finally Elder McKinley broke their gaze and lifted a hand to rub at his temple, "Of course, Elder Cunningham. What do you need?"

Arnold shifted from foot to foot, nervously wrung his hands. He wanted to ask if Elder McKinley was all right, but he knew that the other man wasn't, knew it was a stupid question and he didn't want to give him a chance to exercise the sharp edge of his tongue again. Finally he settled on, "I didn't mean to upset you this morning. I was just I was surprised. You don't you aren't normally" He looked up then, eyes full of distress as he struggled to find a way put his concerns into words.

Elder McKinley met his eyes for a minute and Arnold could almost see the workings of his mind as he tried to decide how to meet that statement. In the end, he took pity on Arnold and told him that he'd just had a poor night's sleep and he was a little cranky. It was nothing for Arnold to trouble himself over and he'd try not to let it happen again. Elder McKinley then gave him one of his usual cheery smiles.

If only it had reached his eyes.

* * *

><p>The rest of the day was rough, everyone feeling the edge of Elder McKinley's temper, even as he tried his best to get it back under control. And he <em>was<em> trying, Arnold could see it. He was trying so hard. Arnold was watching him as closely as he could without getting caught. Every time he said something hurtful, he'd get this pained, horrified look in his eyes like he hadn't meant it, like he couldn't believe he'd said it but he couldn't have stopped himself if he tried. By dinner time, Arnold was ready to set up a barricade around the other elder and guard it with a gun to keep everyone else away. He was sorry he'd started this. He was sorry he hadn't listened to Elder Thomas. But sorry wasn't going to change it.

Unfortunately, Kevin had been over at the Peace Corps office all day, helping to sort the newest supplies and he'd missed the day's drama. He didn't know that Elder McKinley was feeling "cranky," as he'd put it. He didn't know that something was wrong. He didn't know to watch his step. And Arnold was so busy feeling guilty about the whole mess that he completely forgot to warn him. So, when Kevin asked Elder McKinley, completely innocuously, Arnold was sure, if he'd given any thought to what they'd talked about two weeks ago Well, no one could have been prepared for Elder McKinley's answer or the public venue he spewed it out in.

It happened at dinner. Arnold, Kevin and Elders Thomas and McKinley had been sitting at a table eating quietly, not talking much. Well, most of them had been eating. Arnold didn't have the heart to point out that Elder McKinley was only barely picking at his food. He didn't want to be the one to touch off another explosion and he had a feeling that that would do it. So he just kept his mouth shut and hoped that after a good night of sleep Elder McKinley would be back to normal. Arnold also resolved that he was _not_ going to kick this particular hornet's nest again without backup.

Arnold and Elder Thomas had gotten up to deposit their trays in the kitchen and were just heading back to the table when it happened. They never even heard the question - Arnold only figured out what it had to have been after the fact - but they sure as hell heard Elder McKinley's answer and so did every other missionary in the dining room.

Elder McKinley's eyes blazed and he stood up so fast that he knocked over his chair. Poor Kevin looked completely stunned. Elder McKinley just stood and glared at him for a minute, then slowly calmed. It was like watching a dog deliberately put his hackles down. It was deceptive. Having watched him all day, Arnold had figured out that that level of calm was prelude to the worst tongue lashings he'd ever seen.

And this was even worse. Elder McKinley smiled - that cold, cruel smile that didn't reach his eyes - and said into the silence, "Since you mention it, Elder Price, yes, I have had occasion to reflect on our conversation and I do have an answer for you."

Arnold didn't need Elder Thomas' deathgrip on his arm to tell him that what was coming was going to be bad. From the sick look in Elder McKinley's eyes, Arnold could already tell. Elder McKinley didn't want to do this, didn't want Kevin to be his latest victim today but that wasn't going to stop him. Elder McKinley took in a deep breath and said with false cheer, "I appreciate your offer to join you in ending my mission here early, but I'm going to have to decline. I still have some respect for this Church and some hope that when they see what we've accomplished here it will mitigate the initiating circumstances. Furthermore" Now he leaned forward, hands braced on the table to hiss his final words right into Kevin's face, "unlike some people, I'm not a coward. I don't walk out on people when they need me most, no matter how much easier it may make my life." He straightened after that, looked down his nose at Kevin for a long second, then sniffed and said, "So, I'm afraid I will have to respectfully decline your magnanimous offer." He turned on his heel, took three steps, then delivered his parting words over his shoulder, "I do wish you all the best, though, Elder Price. I hope Orlando is everything you've dreamed it would be, though I fear you'll be disappointed. I hear it's mostly paper mache and cardboard cutouts." He paused, then snickered softly, "On second thought, you should fit right in." He then turned back towards the door and marched briskly from the dining room.

Everyone left behind didn't seem to know who to stare at first: Elder Price, still sitting stunned at his table, the wake Elder McKinley had left behind as he stormed out, or Arnold and Elder Thomas clutching each other's hands, faces equal masks of horror. Elder Thomas broke out of his paralysis first. He freed his hands and spun Arnold in the direction of the door, "Go. You know this area better than me. Find him, sit on him if you have to, but don't let him do anything stupid. And talk to him. You have a way with words, Elder Cunningham. He may listen to you. I'll handle everyone else." He then gave him a firm push in that direction, "Go!" Arnold didn't need any further encouragement. He went.

Arnold caught up with Elder McKinley at the bridge. Really, it wasn't much of a bridge and the river wasn't much of a river. It was more of a brook. Most of the time it ran polluted and was undrinkable, the kind of sludge you wouldn't want within ten feet of yourself in any way if you could help it. It still made Arnold a little sick to think that Nabulungi's people were drinking from it and bathing in it just a year ago. Elder McKinley was standing on the bridge, hands clutching at the railing and staring down into the water, looking like he'd like to throw up what little he'd eaten at dinner.

Arnold approached slowly, quietly, like the other elder was some wild animal that might bolt if Arnold came at him too quickly. When Arnold stepped on the bridge and the planks creaked beneath him, Elder McKinley's head shot up and whipped around to stare in the direction of the noise. Arnold froze, like somehow he might go unseen in the middle of the bridge right out there in the open with Elder McKinley staring right at him as long as he didn't move. _Stupid, stupid, stupid, Arnold!_

Of course, Elder McKinley saw him. For one dreadful second, Arnold wasn't sure if the other man was going to laugh, cry or run. He gathered himself to tackle the smaller man if it came to that. It didn't. Elder McKinley snorted out a small laugh which quickly devolved into hysterics and he buried his face in his hands. Arnold winced but took that as an invitation to come closer. He awkwardly patted Elder McKinley's shoulder and said, "I'm sure he knows you didn't mean it."

Elder McKinley let out one last broken sounding laugh at that before pulling himself upright and taking a step back from Arnold. He shook his head, a sick smile on his face, "You're sure, are you? Well, that's a relief, Elder Cunningham. Why don't we just go back inside for a game of Go Fish, then?"

Arnold ducked his gaze for a minute before looking back up, "I Elder McKinley, can you just stop for a second? Think, will you? OK, so you had a bad night's sleep. Fine. I get that that can make you cranky, but it doesn't give you the right to rip apart your friends the way you've been doing. I mean, here I am, doing my best to _help_ you and you keep attacking me! I'm not your enemy, OK? Just chill."

Elder McKinley swallowed hard, finding that it was his turn to look away, unable to meet the sincerity in Arnold's gaze. His next words were harsh, sounded like they'd been torn unwilling from his throat, "I know that. Elder Cunningham, don't you think I know that? I just I can't I'm sorry."

Understanding dawned. Arnold stared at the other elder, pity written in his gaze, "Oh, Elder McKinley did you have the spooky Hell dream last night? Is that what this is about? I I've never had it myself, but I hear it's really spooky."

"Did I Did I?" And something about that must have been really funny, because Elder McKinley started laughing then and nothing Arnold did or said after that could get him to stop. After another few minutes, however, Elder McKinley stopped on his own, took a step closer and gave Arnold a good hard shove, frustrated anger burning in his gaze, "Did I have the spooky Hell dream last night? You know what, Elder Cunningham? Fuck you. Of course I had the spooky Hell dream last night. I have the spooky Hell dream **every** night."

"Every night?" Oh dear, G-d, that was Kevin's voice. Arnold turned to look and sure enough, there was Kevin and Elder Thomas and all the other Mormons were right behind them. No one else looked as surprised by this revelation as Arnold and Kevin, though. Oh of course. They'd been here three months earlier than Kevin and Arnold. They'd probably already known. Kevin pushed past Arnold, gripped Elder McKinley's shoulders and gave him a hard shake, "For how long, Ryan?" When Elder McKinley looked away, Kevin shook him again, said more firmly, "**How long?**"

Elder McKinley let out one of those bitter laughs and something in his eyes crumbled. He made a token effort to break Kevin's grip, but Kevin wasn't letting go until he got an answer. Finally Elder McKinley slumped in his hold, defeat written in every line of his body as he said, "What do you really want to know, Kevin? Is it your fault? Well, you can rest easy on that score, my friend. It isn't. Remember Steve Blade? Fifth grade?" At the horrified look on Kevin's face, Elder McKinley's smile widened, "That's right. I've been having the Hell dream nightly since I was ten." At that point, he looked up to meet all the other missionaries' eyes in turn, "So you'll forgive me that I never showed the appropriate amount of sympathy when you each told me about the one or two times _you_ had had it."

No one seemed to have an answer for that. Even Arnold's normally glib tongue deserted him. He'd heard about the Hell dream. How bad must Elder McKinley's have been last night to cause this much trouble the next day? Good G-d, how bad must it have been to stand out amongst _10 straight years_ of nightly Hell dreams? Arnold didn't want to think about it. He _really_ didn't want to think about it.

Now Elder McKinley _did_ free himself from Kevin's hold and backed a few paces away, rubbing his arms as though cold. And the looks that he and Kevin were sharing G-d, they were breaking Arnold's heart. He wanted to turn around and scream at the top of his lungs that everyone else should go away and give them some privacy, but he couldn't, because the others didn't _know_. Damn it. _No you know what? Damn it all to **heck**. I've had enough of this._

Stepping up between them, Arnold put on his best prophet face and said firmly, "That's **enough**. Out of both of you. You know what? I've been watching this go on for months and I'm sick of it. So, I'm gonna do you both a favor and break this down for you, prophet-style."

At the twinned horrified looks on both elders faces, Arnold nearly ruined it all by laughing. That was just nerves talking, though. He'd never tried this on his fellow elders, only on the Africans. He didn't know if it would work, didn't know if either of them would let themselves play along for long enough, especially Kevin, but Arnold was out of options. He didn't have anything left to try.

He pulled the original type-written pages that Nabulungi had "texted" for him out of his back pocket and, without preamble, started to read, "And Lo! G-d said to the Mormon prophet Joseph Smith, 'And just so you know, you've got that bit in Leviticus all wrong.' And the Mormon prophet Joseph Smith said, 'Huh? What are you talking about, G-d? Do you mean that it's OK to have sex with your sister?' And Lo! G-d said to the Mormon prophet Joseph Smith, 'Uh no, Joseph. That part's still true. Plus, it's just _nasty_. Don't do it. You'll have screwed up babies with three arms and six legs.'"

Some of the other elders laughed at that, started to relax as they usually did when listening to Arnold tell one of his stories. Kevin and Elder McKinley, however, had tensed, both now looking like they'd like to run away. Well, Arnold wasn't finished, not by a long shot. This was some of his best work. Looking the two of them in the eye, he kept reading.

"And Lo! G-d said to the Mormon prophet Joseph Smith, 'I meant the part about not lying with a man the way you do with a woman. You've got that part totally wrong,'" Arnold paused, then, looked up. The missionaries behind him had fallen silent, shocked already at what Arnold might be about to say and no doubt confused as heck about why he was even bringing it up. He ignored the silence and just spoke his words to the two men in front of him, the only two who really mattered, "And the Mormon prophet Joseph Smith said, 'But it seems pretty self-explanatory, G-d.' And Lo! G-d said to the Mormon prophet Joseph Smith, 'That's because you over-think everything. See, when I said you don't lie with a man the way you do with a woman, I was just talking common sense. It's you know mechanics. The parts aren't the same, so the lying can't be the same. I just wasn't gonna go into details because the Bible's not supposed to be a sex ed manual. Not my department. That's what the Kama Sutra's for.'"

He'd touched a nerve, Arnold could tell. Elder McKinley was whispering harshly into Kevin's ear and Kevin was whispering harshly back. The conversation was getting pretty heated and Arnold thought he caught something about someone "putting him up to this." Well, that had to stop. He snapped his fingers in their faces and said, "Hey! Hey! Knock it off. This is important. Pay attention." And the two were so shocked by Arnold's tone that they actually did as asked.

Arnold smiled as he continued, "'And the Mormon prophet Joseph Smith was _very_ confused about this. He asked, 'But Heavenly Father, what about all the wasted seed? I thought we were supposed to be fruitful and multiply?' And Lo! G-d just about snorted his beverage out of his nose at that question. Then G-d said to the Mormon prophet Joseph Smith, 'Trust me, Joseph. You've been fruitful enough. In another 100 years there won't be enough room on the whole planet for all the freaking babies you're gonna have. In another 200 years you're probably gonna have to find a whole new planet just to fit everyone. In fact, you could probably knock off the multiplying and divide for a little while, if you know what I'm saying.' When it became obvious that the Mormon prophet Joseph Smith did not know what G-d was saying, G-d told him not to worry about it because he'd be dead by then, anyway, it wouldn't be his problem and G-d would just take it up with the next prophet."

Arnold looked up again, then, right into Kevin's eyes, imploring him to understand as he spoke the last words of his newest story, "And from that day forward, homosexuality was no longer considered a sin. In fact, it was a great way to get homes for all of the extra babies lying around that the heterosexual couples couldn't seem to stop having because they were too dumb to figure out birth control."

Elder McKinley was so pale by then that he looked like he might faint at any second. Kevin didn't look much better. The other elders behind him remained silent. In fact it was just way too quiet, period. Arnold was used to lots of chatter and amused laughter after telling one of his stories to the Africans. This was just kind of creepy. Finally, he leaned forward and punched Kevin lightly in the arm, said, "Heh 'Surprise!'"

Kevin's mouth worked for a second, no sound emerging. After another silent moment, he finally got out, "Arnold what did you do?"

Arnold beamed, bounced a little on his toes, "Oh, nothing. I just had Nabulungi type up this little story to add into the Book of Arnold for me. She and the other Africans are distributing it to the other towns we're helping. General Butt F'ing Naked was really excited to help spread the word on this one, too. He, uh looked positively gleeful about it, actually." There was an awkward pause, then Arnold cleared his throat and continued, "And I heard about that new law, too. And since it doesn't jive with our religion anymore or the paradise planet we're trying to build here, I started my team back in the States working on that one. They're recruiting and making petitions and organizing protests, rallies and fundraisers as we speak. I think one of them even knows someone in the UN. So, I expect that'll be taken care of shortly."

Elder McKinley was shaking his head, a look caught halfway between horror and amusement on his face. When he finally started laughing, it was a broken sound, wet with tears. Through his laughter, he ground out, "My G-d, you're a pair, aren't you?" When Arnold opened his mouth to argue, Elder McKinley cut him off, "Elder Cunningham, you're not a prophet! Kevin, you're not the President of the Church! Just because Elder Cunningham made up a story about it doesn't make this any more OK!"

Kevin grabbed Elder McKinley's waving hands in his and tried to hush him, tried to get in a word around his growing hysterics, but Elder McKinley wasn't having it. He tore his hands free and yelled, "Don't you get it? _I'm going to Hell for what I am._ And if you keep following me down this road, no matter what Elder Cunningham says, you're going to end up going with me." He let out a small sob then, turned away, "You already had a small taste of Hell, Kevin and they went easy on you. You couldn't handle what they do to people like you couldn't. I don't want that for you. And your only hope to avoid it is to cleave to the Church and stay the hell away from me, but I can't get you to _see_ that!" He slumped, turned pleading eyes on Kevin, "Why don't you see that?"

Kevin looked back and forth between Arnold's supportive gaze and Elder McKinley's anguished one, his own expression torn. One by one, the other elders stepped up next to Arnold and Elder Thomas, a silent wall of support. Arnold couldn't have been more proud if he really _had_ been their prophet. _Come on, Kevin. Do the right thing, here. Someone has to help him and I think you're the only one who can._

Kevin seemed to reach a decision then, turned back to Elder McKinley and got right into his personal space, slid his arms around the smaller man's waist and pulled him close. There was a smattering of gasping behind him and out of the corner of his eyes, Arnold caught Elder Thomas biting his sleeve so he didn't make any noise. He smiled and gave the other elder his arm to grab onto. Elder Thomas took immediate advantage. _Oh, ouch. Yup. Gonna have bruises there tomorrow._ Still, he just patted the other elder's hand reassuringly.

And Kevin ignored the pleading looks that Elder McKinley threw his way, ignored the tears starting to track down the other man's cheeks, ignored everything but the fact that Elder McKinley wasn't pushing him away. He smiled softly down at him and said, "Because I think you're wrong, Ryan. I don't know whether or not Arnold is right about the specifics on this one, but I think he's dead on about the basic idea. Heavenly Father made us this way - you pointed that out to me once yourself - and Heavenly Father doesn't make mistakes. If he made us this way, then it's because he wants us to _be_ this way. And there's one thing that Arnold said that jives pretty well for me - I think the church got it wrong. You need it in the context of the Mormon Church to believe, though? Fine. If they could be wrong about black people, why not about this? All it takes is the word of a Church President to change the word of G-d. So, why couldn't He be speaking through Arnold, instead? Joseph Smith wasn't a Church President when G-d started speaking to him, you know. For all we know, Arnold's destined to be President of the Mormon Church one day. He's sure getting enough practical experience here in Uganda."

A few of the other missionaries laughed at that and Arnold blushed. He didn't want to be President of the Church. He just wanted his friends to be happy, wanted them to have better lives than what they had now. Then again... maybe Joseph Smith had started that way, too. _President of the Church, huh...? Kinda has a nice ring to it, actually..._

Arnold forced himself to pay attention when Kevin started speaking again, found that it wasn't so hard to do when Kevin's words were so wonderful. Kevin smiled down at Elder McKinley and said, "Ryan... I guess I can be a little slow. I need to learn my lessons more than once, sometimes." He leaned forward, touched his forehead to Elder McKinley's and said, "What I'm trying to say is that when the Peace Corps leaves... I won't. I'm staying here. With you." He looked up at Arnold then, gave him one of those pure smiles that made Arnold's heart flip-flop, and he added, quietly, "With you."

And damn it if Arnold didn't almost start bawling right then and there. Instead, he gave in to Elder Thomas' little whimpering noises, turned and let the smaller man cling to him, muffling his happy tears in Arnold's chest. He patted Elder Thomas on the back and smiled up at Kevin, made a small shooing motion to redirect his attention where it needed to be.

When Kevin turned back towards Elder McKinley, he raised a hand to cup the other man's face, "Well? What do you think, love? Are you willing to let go of this guilt? Willing to take a chance that I'm right?" Earnest brown eyes met widened blue as Kevin said quietly, "Are you willing to live the life that Heavenly Father wanted to you to live all along?"

Elder McKinley stared up into Kevin's eyes for what felt like hours. Arnold found himself holding his breath along with several of the other missionaries as he waited on the other man's answer. After what seemed like forever, Elder McKinley's eyes softened, a small smile spread around his lips and he raised his own hands up to cup Kevin's face, pulled him down for a butterfly brush of a kiss and whispered simply... "Yes."

The missionaries let out a thunderous cheer as Kevin lifted Elder McKinley in his arms and swung him around, all but crowing out his delight. Elder McKinley laughed, bent his head to claim another kiss, deeper this time. When Kevin finally put him down, he pressed several more kisses to his face, his mouth, his neck. Breathless with the joy of it, he said, "_Fuck_ the devil, Ryan. He's not going to have you on my watch. You're _mine_."

Something swam in the depths of Elder McKinley's eyes then, some comment that would no doubt ruin the moment, but for once he bit it back and said instead, "OK, Kevin. You win. I'm yours. Even if I have to leave the church to do it... I don't care. I'd take Heaven on Earth for a single lifetime with you over Heaven in Heaven for eternity without you any day."

And as they stood there, eyes practically glowing with happiness, Arnold was the one who eventually broke the moment with a loud, "Holy guacamole! I knew I forgot something!" As everyone turned to look at him, he clapped a hand over his mouth and frantically pulled out a pencil to jot down some notes on the bottom of his newest parable.

Elder McKinley extricated himself from Kevin's arms and as Arnold finished writing, he pulled the papers from the other man's hands to read what he'd written. When he got through to the end, he started to laugh, real laughter this time, not a hint of bitterness. He handed the papers off to Kevin and took Arnold's face in his hands, leaned forward to place a gentle kiss on his forehead. He then enfolded him into a tight hug, said quietly, "Thank you, Elder Cunningham. It may be a pipe dream... but thank you."

Arnold pushed his own awkwardness aside long enough to hug him back and said, "Ryan... I think if you're gonna be my brother-in-law, you can call me Arnold."

_~And Lo! G-d said to the Mormon prophet Joseph Smith, "You, uh... do realize that this also means that gay people can get married, right?"~_

~The End.~

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**

Elder McKinley: Huh. Well. Hmm.

R-chan: Did I not promise you a happy ending?

Elder McKinley: Yeah you did.

R-chan: *arches an eyebrow* And is this not happy enough for you?

Elder McKinley: Oh! *eyes snap up to the fic author and he starts waving his hands frantically* It's plenty happy! _Plenty._ No problems there! *nervous laughter*

R-chan: *rolls eyes* So what's the problem?

Elder McKinley: *blush* N-n-nothing.

R-chan: *twitch* I recognize that particular "nothing." Jeez, you boys are like rabbits! Don't you ever quit?

Elder Price: *grumps* How the hell can you quit something you never got to start in the first place?

R-chan: Eh? But what about the last- ?

Elder McKinley: *makes frantic shushing motions*

R-chan: *wide eyes* Oooooooooh Riiiiiiight. That wasn't _hiiiiiiiim_.

Elder Price: Who wasn't me?

Elder McKinley: *more frantic shushing motions*

R-chan: Eh-heh. *patpats Elder Price* You know what? Don't worry about it. I'll, uh I'll just get right on that one, OK?

Elder McKinley: *slumps, relieved*

R-chan: *mutters at Elder McKinley as she walks past* I don't have a problem doing this for you but you better start coming up with an explanation now, because if you don't, I'm gonna have you tell him the truth.

Elder McKinley: Explanation? For what?

R-chan: *eg* Your, uh _experience_. *grin grows fangs* *evil laughter*

Elder McKinley: D: Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Nuriko: *patpats Elder McKinley* Shouldn't have pushed, dear. That never ends well.

Elder McKinley: Who the hell are you?

Claude: *snerts* Don't ask. He'll just delight in tormenting you. You get used to him eventually.

Elder McKinley: Eh? And who are _you_?

Claude: *rolls eyes* Really, kid. Just worry about yourself. If I read this right, you'll have plenty of years to worry about us.

Elder McKinley: Nooooooooooo. *sobs*

_Questions, Comments, Watermelon? ^_^_


End file.
